Jack Silver's life was snatched from him before his hands were grasping his rattle. A typical birth at a typical hospital, his parents nearly drooled over the images already formed in their minds as they drove him home. It was not just his progenitors. This was planned far before his birth by all those who would know him. They fed upon his marrow when his bones were still soft and his flesh was tender, gnawing at him and suckling out the juices. Just as they all knew they had been fed upon as infants. All the while, they would regurgitate onto him like flies, each expulsion making it all the easier to digest. Until there was nothing left but another one of them.
"We've named him Jack."
"He shall be a lovely boy."
"A handsome lad."
"A good man."
"A butcher, like his father."
"Oh... To be young again."
"A model Christian."
"How good to watch him grow."
As he grew older and became all of these things they had thrust onto him, he, too, felt the vast hunger consuming him. He spent nine long months watching over his Rachel, anticipating his young. All of those he knew, withered and starving for sustinence salivated as they waited to suckle upon that tender flesh.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Friday, September 19, 2008
4 - Strange grammar.
I wrote this little unpolished piece in both German and English grammar. Good excuse for me to work on my translation skills anyway. ;)
GERMAN GRAMMAR:
She look me at and sighed.
"I know not, what we to do should," said she. "She is tothe times confused. She must fear to have."
"Wait now-- since when is this problem our problem? She is not my daughter. I have never-times thisfor joined," laughed I.
"Come on! You know, that you to me help will. You are suchlike trained."
She looked yet-times me at. She smiled, but also looked she a bit scared out of. And she had correct. Yes it was not my problem, but when I a problem have, then is she up, me to from the ledges to save. And solike with her. It is alone our nature.
"Everything what shocks me is, that Ginny something solike to do would. I believed always, she never-at-times in that trap of sixteen-year-olds to trip would," said I, as I into the harbor onlooked.
"Things happen. Girls make poor decisions."
"I know, but she is now a girl, who a statistic is. She is that girl, that we at the supermarket see, who thought, that "it was only first time" a good excuse to be would, and I mean, that possibly she thought, that she never-at-times to other people to say would, that it only bythe first time was.
"Mean not, that she others that to tell would!"
She laughed, and I knew, that everything what happened is, that would all better to become.
ENGLISH GRAMMAR:
She looked at me and sighed.
"I dunno what I should do," she said. "She very confused right now. She's gotta be scared."
"Wait a second-- since when this problem our problem? She's not my daughter. I never signed up for this," I chuckled.
"C'mon! You know that you're going to help me. You're trained like that."
She looked at me again. She smiled, but she also looked a bit scared. And she was right. Yes, it was not my problem, but when I have an issue, then it's her turn to talk me off of ledges. And it's the same way for her. It's just our dynamic.
"It just shocks me that Ginny would do something like that. I always thought she'd never fall into that 16-year-old trap," I said, looking out into the harbor.
"Things happen. Girls makes poor decisions."
"I know, but now she's a stastic-- she's that girl. She's that girl who we see at the supermarket. The girl who always thought that 'it was only the first time' would be a good excuse. She probably that that she would never tell others that it was her first time.
"I don't think she'd tell others that."
She laughed, and I know that everything would be better by the time the sun set.
GERMAN GRAMMAR:
She look me at and sighed.
"I know not, what we to do should," said she. "She is tothe times confused. She must fear to have."
"Wait now-- since when is this problem our problem? She is not my daughter. I have never-times thisfor joined," laughed I.
"Come on! You know, that you to me help will. You are suchlike trained."
She looked yet-times me at. She smiled, but also looked she a bit scared out of. And she had correct. Yes it was not my problem, but when I a problem have, then is she up, me to from the ledges to save. And solike with her. It is alone our nature.
"Everything what shocks me is, that Ginny something solike to do would. I believed always, she never-at-times in that trap of sixteen-year-olds to trip would," said I, as I into the harbor onlooked.
"Things happen. Girls make poor decisions."
"I know, but she is now a girl, who a statistic is. She is that girl, that we at the supermarket see, who thought, that "it was only first time" a good excuse to be would, and I mean, that possibly she thought, that she never-at-times to other people to say would, that it only bythe first time was.
"Mean not, that she others that to tell would!"
She laughed, and I knew, that everything what happened is, that would all better to become.
ENGLISH GRAMMAR:
She looked at me and sighed.
"I dunno what I should do," she said. "She very confused right now. She's gotta be scared."
"Wait a second-- since when this problem our problem? She's not my daughter. I never signed up for this," I chuckled.
"C'mon! You know that you're going to help me. You're trained like that."
She looked at me again. She smiled, but she also looked a bit scared. And she was right. Yes, it was not my problem, but when I have an issue, then it's her turn to talk me off of ledges. And it's the same way for her. It's just our dynamic.
"It just shocks me that Ginny would do something like that. I always thought she'd never fall into that 16-year-old trap," I said, looking out into the harbor.
"Things happen. Girls makes poor decisions."
"I know, but now she's a stastic-- she's that girl. She's that girl who we see at the supermarket. The girl who always thought that 'it was only the first time' would be a good excuse. She probably that that she would never tell others that it was her first time.
"I don't think she'd tell others that."
She laughed, and I know that everything would be better by the time the sun set.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Prompt Four
Write unconventionally. This could mean an unconventional storyline, format (e.g. climax at the beginning), word use, or anything else you can think of.
Due September 19.
Due September 19.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Promt 3 - PReqUAL
For the promt "write the best story you could ever imagine" I just wrote normally ^_^
It all started when he was a young child in elementary school and all the kids at recess would be like “he's ugly” because he didn't have any hair because his father burned it all off with a bomb. Because nobody ever wanted to talk to him this meant he trained in his dojo every day so that he could know kung fu the best. He knew his kung fu would make him so many friends and they wouldn't care that he was bald because a lot of people who did kung fu were bald. At his dojo nobody would make fun of him for being bald because he knew the legendary Hell Explosion Palm Fist that could kill anybody in one hit.
“I bet you don't really know the Hellsplosion Fist Palm technique” the kid said!
“Hi-ya!” He said, and he burst into flames and died. After that, everyone knew he was the best in the dojo. A girl even talked to him!
“Hey.”
“Hi.” He said.
“How're you?” She said
“Good” He said.
“You're really strong.” She said.
“I like you” She said
He blushed a lot and wanted to ran out of the dojo because he was so shy. A cultist stopped him!
“You are the chosen one” He said.
“What?” He said?
“You will lead our cult!” He said.
“Oh no!” He said!
The next day he gave his girlfriend a kiss on the cheek “I really like being with you.” He said. “ARGH!” Someone stabbed him in the back! “Are you okay?” “ARGH” He focused all of his kung fu energy and the knife shot out and killed the guy who stabbed him. “I KNOW KUNG FU!” The guy who stabbed him tried to attack again and ran up to him and he went “HI-YA!” and punched through his head and killed him. “You're so sexy.” They made out.
“Sir, your tea is ready.” Jeeves said.
“Thank you.” He said. He took his tea and looked over his multitrillion dollar company. “I have so much money!”
He smiled and ate a $1500 bill. “Money is so good! Fuck poor people.”
With all of his money he bought a dinosaur skeleton and had it assembled inside of his really big house, but his house was actually built on an Indian burial site and Shiva reanimated the bones of the dinosaur and the boneasaur started breaking all of his stuff. “Sure thing, captain!”
“Oh no!” He said.
His dojo teacher told him only to use his kung fu when he absolutely needed to but just then his wife walked in and he wanted to impress her so he kicked it really hard. “Hi-ya!” It turned into dust.
“I am vely angly you disobey kung fu path of lighteousness. You no ronger my pupir!” Dojo teacher said! Dojo teacher stared at him with his squinty eyes.
“I don't need you, I know kung fu!”
“Ching chong wang chung!”
“You too, dojo teacher. You too.”
When the cleaning people got there he spat up the $1500 bill and threw it at their feet and said, “Clean up.” He said. They cleaned up. Later on the two of them went to bed and they totally had sex. He thought it was really good and she thought it was pretty okay 'cause he slipped twice but she went along with it. “KARATEEEEE!”
Later on, a gorilla with three mouths attacked! It had some hot girl in its arms and it sounded reeeeally angry! “WOWY! BEAWD!” The mouths said. She lady said “My name Chun Ri herp me!” “KUNG FU” He said and used a karate chop on his faces and it could no longer finish its novel which it had been writing for like forever and was going to totally get published because he put so much work into it. It also dropped the chick. “Thank you so much! Prease ret me show you how much I rove you for herping me!” “Skank! Hi-yaaaaaaa!” He said and used a karate chop on her face and she could no longer finish her novel which she had been writing for like forever and probably wasn't going to get published because even though she put so much work into it, she wasn't really talented.
In the board meeting he said, “We're making a ten percent profit up from last year,” but got interrupted by a cultist who said that they had bought all the stock to the company and that they owned the company now and that they had all of the money and he didn't have any of it.
“Not even kung-fu can help me now! Why didn't I listen to dojo teacher!”
Jeeves cried a little as he left but he kicked him in the ribs because crying is only for little girls who still wet themselves and whose parents don't love them anymore after that one time where he went to the mall and I accidentally peed myself in front of the magazine rack and everybody looked at him funny. “Pussy.”
Him and his girlfriend were walking through the park when suddenly a guy walked up to them and looked at him and then handed him a black rose. “This is a black rose.”
It all started when he was a young child in elementary school and all the kids at recess would be like “he's ugly” because he didn't have any hair because his father burned it all off with a bomb. Because nobody ever wanted to talk to him this meant he trained in his dojo every day so that he could know kung fu the best. He knew his kung fu would make him so many friends and they wouldn't care that he was bald because a lot of people who did kung fu were bald. At his dojo nobody would make fun of him for being bald because he knew the legendary Hell Explosion Palm Fist that could kill anybody in one hit.
“I bet you don't really know the Hellsplosion Fist Palm technique” the kid said!
“Hi-ya!” He said, and he burst into flames and died. After that, everyone knew he was the best in the dojo. A girl even talked to him!
“Hey.”
“Hi.” He said.
“How're you?” She said
“Good” He said.
“You're really strong.” She said.
“I like you” She said
He blushed a lot and wanted to ran out of the dojo because he was so shy. A cultist stopped him!
“You are the chosen one” He said.
“What?” He said?
“You will lead our cult!” He said.
“Oh no!” He said!
The next day he gave his girlfriend a kiss on the cheek “I really like being with you.” He said. “ARGH!” Someone stabbed him in the back! “Are you okay?” “ARGH” He focused all of his kung fu energy and the knife shot out and killed the guy who stabbed him. “I KNOW KUNG FU!” The guy who stabbed him tried to attack again and ran up to him and he went “HI-YA!” and punched through his head and killed him. “You're so sexy.” They made out.
“Sir, your tea is ready.” Jeeves said.
“Thank you.” He said. He took his tea and looked over his multitrillion dollar company. “I have so much money!”
He smiled and ate a $1500 bill. “Money is so good! Fuck poor people.”
With all of his money he bought a dinosaur skeleton and had it assembled inside of his really big house, but his house was actually built on an Indian burial site and Shiva reanimated the bones of the dinosaur and the boneasaur started breaking all of his stuff. “Sure thing, captain!”
“Oh no!” He said.
His dojo teacher told him only to use his kung fu when he absolutely needed to but just then his wife walked in and he wanted to impress her so he kicked it really hard. “Hi-ya!” It turned into dust.
“I am vely angly you disobey kung fu path of lighteousness. You no ronger my pupir!” Dojo teacher said! Dojo teacher stared at him with his squinty eyes.
“I don't need you, I know kung fu!”
“Ching chong wang chung!”
“You too, dojo teacher. You too.”
When the cleaning people got there he spat up the $1500 bill and threw it at their feet and said, “Clean up.” He said. They cleaned up. Later on the two of them went to bed and they totally had sex. He thought it was really good and she thought it was pretty okay 'cause he slipped twice but she went along with it. “KARATEEEEE!”
Later on, a gorilla with three mouths attacked! It had some hot girl in its arms and it sounded reeeeally angry! “WOWY! BEAWD!” The mouths said. She lady said “My name Chun Ri herp me!” “KUNG FU” He said and used a karate chop on his faces and it could no longer finish its novel which it had been writing for like forever and was going to totally get published because he put so much work into it. It also dropped the chick. “Thank you so much! Prease ret me show you how much I rove you for herping me!” “Skank! Hi-yaaaaaaa!” He said and used a karate chop on her face and she could no longer finish her novel which she had been writing for like forever and probably wasn't going to get published because even though she put so much work into it, she wasn't really talented.
In the board meeting he said, “We're making a ten percent profit up from last year,” but got interrupted by a cultist who said that they had bought all the stock to the company and that they owned the company now and that they had all of the money and he didn't have any of it.
“Not even kung-fu can help me now! Why didn't I listen to dojo teacher!”
Jeeves cried a little as he left but he kicked him in the ribs because crying is only for little girls who still wet themselves and whose parents don't love them anymore after that one time where he went to the mall and I accidentally peed myself in front of the magazine rack and everybody looked at him funny. “Pussy.”
Him and his girlfriend were walking through the park when suddenly a guy walked up to them and looked at him and then handed him a black rose. “This is a black rose.”
My god this is horrible.
For this prompt, which was to write a "bad" story, I decided to do a couple of things. One: write like a fifteen year old mallrat would. Two: don't proofread anything.
I dunno how it happened but I couldn't believe that Rachel was kissing Nick under the staircase. I sat there in the rain holding myself waiting for my mom to come pick me up. She was late. As usual. I brushed my hair from my eyes are stared up into the rain and felt it washing away all the pain. They never did see me but the bench was hard. My bag was hidden beneath the bench protecting it from the rain. My phone began buzzing. It was my friend Jennifer. She was still up strairs taking a make up math quiz and wanted to know where I was so we could go get some pizza down the road. I told her to meet me in the lobby and we went to Sal's Pizza. Sal's was good because it had a deal where you could by two slices and a soda for three bucks. I pulled out the loose change from my pocket and hadnded it to Sal who was running around the whole shop. Jennifer sat down and I did too.
"Lizzy you look like you've been crying" said Jennifer. "Are you okay?"
"I'm alright but I can't believe what Rachel did to me. She knew all about the whole thing with Nick and stuff."
"Yeah I know she's such a bitch. Well you know we're gonna see her at the mall later tonight. We'll just leave her alone when she comes up to us. You know that Joe, Steve, and Kelly all love you. Theyd do like anything for you."
I smiled at Jennifer and pulled my sleeve over my hand. Jennifer took a pen and started writing on her jeans. Probably something about her boyfriend Joe and I took a big bite of my pizza.
--
I jumped on Steve's back in front of Pretzel Time and this old woman gave us a lot. I dont understand why people give me and my friends dirty looks. Were really nice and fun so I dont get it. Steve is like my big brother. Hed do any to protect me.
Then Rachel came running at us all and I hid behind the crowd. Jennifer started causing a scene when a mall cop on a segway came up to us and told to leave. "You kids are a group of five. Not permited. He said,.
Rachel texted me later that night at Daras house sayuing that she didn't know why she was mad at me so I told her that she should just know. I laied down on Steves lap as we started watching our favorite movie Donnie Darko and fell asleep.
When I woek up I hoped everything wood be better.
I dunno how it happened but I couldn't believe that Rachel was kissing Nick under the staircase. I sat there in the rain holding myself waiting for my mom to come pick me up. She was late. As usual. I brushed my hair from my eyes are stared up into the rain and felt it washing away all the pain. They never did see me but the bench was hard. My bag was hidden beneath the bench protecting it from the rain. My phone began buzzing. It was my friend Jennifer. She was still up strairs taking a make up math quiz and wanted to know where I was so we could go get some pizza down the road. I told her to meet me in the lobby and we went to Sal's Pizza. Sal's was good because it had a deal where you could by two slices and a soda for three bucks. I pulled out the loose change from my pocket and hadnded it to Sal who was running around the whole shop. Jennifer sat down and I did too.
"Lizzy you look like you've been crying" said Jennifer. "Are you okay?"
"I'm alright but I can't believe what Rachel did to me. She knew all about the whole thing with Nick and stuff."
"Yeah I know she's such a bitch. Well you know we're gonna see her at the mall later tonight. We'll just leave her alone when she comes up to us. You know that Joe, Steve, and Kelly all love you. Theyd do like anything for you."
I smiled at Jennifer and pulled my sleeve over my hand. Jennifer took a pen and started writing on her jeans. Probably something about her boyfriend Joe and I took a big bite of my pizza.
--
I jumped on Steve's back in front of Pretzel Time and this old woman gave us a lot. I dont understand why people give me and my friends dirty looks. Were really nice and fun so I dont get it. Steve is like my big brother. Hed do any to protect me.
Then Rachel came running at us all and I hid behind the crowd. Jennifer started causing a scene when a mall cop on a segway came up to us and told to leave. "You kids are a group of five. Not permited. He said,.
Rachel texted me later that night at Daras house sayuing that she didn't know why she was mad at me so I told her that she should just know. I laied down on Steves lap as we started watching our favorite movie Donnie Darko and fell asleep.
When I woek up I hoped everything wood be better.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Prompt Three - The Totally Most Awesome Summer Ever
Thought I'd post mine early so I can get it out of the way before classes start up. Also, I kinda hate myself for writing this. So enjoy. XP
-------------------------------------------------------
It was summer time now. So Krystal Rose Andriella Magnifica Livingstonhouse should have been really psyched. Usually in the summer she goes to the beach every day with her two bestest friends ever and then they drive around Wealthford Beach, Connecticut in her super awesome Lambo and then they visit their boyfriends and they totally do it all night because they only pick the sexiest guys to be their boyfriends. And then on weekends they always go to the hottest parties and dance the night away and get totally wasted!
But now Krystal was really sad. Because it was already summer and NOTHING good had happened yet. The weather had been really gross and rainy for THREE WHOLE DAYS and it was totally unfair because Krystal really wanted to go to the beach because her tan was already one shade lighter than it was last week. And even worse, her parents hadn't even given her her present yet! They told her this year they were going to give her a special present for the summer, they said it was cause she graduated highschool or something, and they had said that FIVE WHOLE DAYS ago and she hadn't seen it yet!
Then suddenly one morning she woke up and changed out of her favorite Ralph Lauren pajamas and she put on these really cute cutoff shorts and a bright yellow halter top from Nordstrom's that looked totally awesome against her flawless tanned skin. Oh and she has beautiful long, thick, silky, waist-length, naturally bleach-blond hair although she doesn't bleach it cause it just grows in that color all by itself. She also has big, gorgeous, sparkling blue eyes and a cute nose and big soft lips but they're not too big, just right. She's five-four so she's really short and she wishes she was tall like all the supermodels. And she has perfect big boobs that are totally sexy and natural, no implants or anything, but she's also really, really skinny. She's a size zero in jeans, so she's not fat, even though she has really big boobs and ass. Her friends always tell her she's just the perfect size! She was going downstairs and on her way she heard her dad yell out "Krystal, come down into the dining room, we have something to tell you." So she went there.
When she got where she was going she saw her mom and dad sitting in the dining room. "Sweetie we have something to tell you" said her mom. "So sit down and eat some breakfast while we tell you." Krystal sighed cause it was so unfair, this was already the worst summer ever and now her parents were actually making her eat! But then she felt hungry and she remembered she hadn't eaten anything since the tall blended mocha caramel macchiato hazelnut cinnamon latte from Starbucks she had two days ago, so she sat down and ate three whole bites of toast.
"Honey remember how I told you we would get you a special present this year?" Said her dad. "Well here it is. I have been working on it for the past few days so I'm sorry. But I was having our cleaning company go in and fix up our beach front house for you. So you and your two friends can go to the beach house all by yourselves and do whatever you want for two weeks. How does that sound?"
"OH.MY.GOD! THANK YOU MOMMY AND DADDY YOU'RE AWESOME!" Krystal yelled. She was totally psyched now! She jumped up and ran out of the room to go pack. She pulled out her Prada suitcase and filled it with all her Bebe and Ralph Lauren and all her other designer clothes and her Sephora makeup. Then she called her best friends and told them what was going on so they could get ready. They were both really psyched too.
One of her best friends was Julianna Lynnelanna Westmooreton. She was kinda tall at five-eight and had long thick chestnut brown hair that fell to just under her shoulder blades and sexy brown eyes. She had a really nice figure too, but she was a size one in jeans, but it totally wasn't a problem because of her height. And her other best friend was Candace Destinystar Grandworth. She was five-six so she was kinda short, but she was also a size zero like Krystal and she had thick, shiny red hair that curled just under her shoulders. She had sparkling green eyes and a good figure but she was also naturally really pale so she had to tan the most out of all of them.
So they all got picked up in Krystal's dad's limo and they went out to the beach house. It was totally beautiful and there were a ton of rooms and a huge pool and bar out back. As soon as the limo driver dude went away the girls all drove Krystal's Lambo into town and used their fake IDs to buy tons of alcohol to put in the bar! Then they went to the beach.
At the beach they spent all day looking hot and flirting with all the sexy boys that walked past them. And they also watched all the people zooming around the ocean in their really cool speedboats and wished they could do that too.
Then suddenly, "Hey!" said a boy. Krystal turned to look at him. He was tall and had beautiful tanned skin and a really buff chest and arms, and even a six-pack. His hair was dark brown and spiked up with a lot of gel, and he had ice-blue eyes. "Hey, said Krystal." They talked for a while. She found out his name was Justin and he was on vacation here too with some of his friends. He was also really loaded and he had ten billion dollars. She asked if he had a cool speedboat too. "Yeah, but I can't drive it right now cause it needs a new propeller," he said. "I have to go pick up a new pimped-out one tomorrow. Maybe you could come with me and afterwards we could hang out on the boat." "That sounds awesome!" Krystal said. I'm so excited!" And right after that Julianna and Candace found guys too and planned to spend the day with them.
So the next morning Justin picked her up in his Ferrari and they went to the propeller store. They went in and the girl at the counter brought out a big box. Justin opened it and Krystal saw a shiny, golden propeller. "Oh wow! A solid gold propeller! You are sooooo sexy!" she said and she hugged Justin. "Um no miss, that's bronze," said the counter girl. Krystal's jaw dropped. "Why isn't it GOLD, Justin? It's NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" "Ok, calm down babe," said Justin. "I'll buy a solid gold one for you because you're so beautiful." Krystal smiled. "Um sir I can order you a solid gold one if you really want but it will take about a week to get here." Justin started doing all this boring paperwork stuff so Krystal went outside and listened to her Ipod.
While she was out there a guy was walking past. He was about five-eight and was kinda tan, but not as much as Justin. He had a really hot face and nice light brown hair bleached at the tips, but he wasn't that buff and he definitely didn't have good pecs. He went over and introduced himself as Jason and said he wAS ON VACATION TOo. He was kinda rich cause he had five billion dollars. He asked what she was doing later and she said she was hanging out with her boyfriend. Then he invited them to his party on Saturday and she said they might be there.
So then she and Justin went driving around in his Ferrari and afterwards they went back to his beach front house and got totally drunk. Then they did it in his Ferrari and it was really sexy. Justin said it was the best sex ever.
The next few days Krystal spent time hanging out with Justin, Candace and Julianna and their new boyfriends. They all had an awesome time at the beach and they went drinking every night. Then it was Saturday and they all decided to go to Jason's party. But then Justin suddenly couldn't go cause he had to go pick up the new propeller! Krystal was kinda sad but her friends promised they would all have a great time. So she went and she started dancing with Jason. He was an awesome dancer and they were both drunk and having a good time so they went upstairs to his bedroom and they did it. Krystal felt kinda bad about it especially because he wasn't as good as Justin but he was just so nice she really didn't want to be rude and say no.
So the next week was kinda hard for Krystal and she was bummed about that because she wanted to have an awesome vacation. Justin got his propeller and they had an awesome time going really fast around the lake with his new blingin' solid gold propeller. But she didn't know whether she wanted Justin or Jason more. Justin was really fucking gorgeous and had ten billion dollars but he had almost bought a BRONZE propeller instead of a gold one, but Jason was kinda hot and only had five billion dollars but was super nice. Krystal knew this would be the biggest decision of her life. So she went and got her nails done while she decided. Then when her nails were dry she texted Julianna and Candace on her pink cellphone studded with diamonds to tell them who she chose.
That night was their last night at the beach house and they were also throwing the biggest bash of the summer. All the coolest and sexiest people in town were there and everybody was drinking, dancing and having a fantastic time. But she knew it was time to make her decision. She went out to the middle of the dance floor and had the DJ stop the music. "Attention everyone, I have an announcement to make," she said. "I choose... JUSTIN!" Justin came forward and they kissed with lots of tongue and it looked really beautiful and sexy. Krystal just knew in her heart that he was different from all the others and they would get married and have lots of babies and be happy forever. So it was totally the most awesome summer ever.
THE END!
-------------------------------------------------------
It was summer time now. So Krystal Rose Andriella Magnifica Livingstonhouse should have been really psyched. Usually in the summer she goes to the beach every day with her two bestest friends ever and then they drive around Wealthford Beach, Connecticut in her super awesome Lambo and then they visit their boyfriends and they totally do it all night because they only pick the sexiest guys to be their boyfriends. And then on weekends they always go to the hottest parties and dance the night away and get totally wasted!
But now Krystal was really sad. Because it was already summer and NOTHING good had happened yet. The weather had been really gross and rainy for THREE WHOLE DAYS and it was totally unfair because Krystal really wanted to go to the beach because her tan was already one shade lighter than it was last week. And even worse, her parents hadn't even given her her present yet! They told her this year they were going to give her a special present for the summer, they said it was cause she graduated highschool or something, and they had said that FIVE WHOLE DAYS ago and she hadn't seen it yet!
Then suddenly one morning she woke up and changed out of her favorite Ralph Lauren pajamas and she put on these really cute cutoff shorts and a bright yellow halter top from Nordstrom's that looked totally awesome against her flawless tanned skin. Oh and she has beautiful long, thick, silky, waist-length, naturally bleach-blond hair although she doesn't bleach it cause it just grows in that color all by itself. She also has big, gorgeous, sparkling blue eyes and a cute nose and big soft lips but they're not too big, just right. She's five-four so she's really short and she wishes she was tall like all the supermodels. And she has perfect big boobs that are totally sexy and natural, no implants or anything, but she's also really, really skinny. She's a size zero in jeans, so she's not fat, even though she has really big boobs and ass. Her friends always tell her she's just the perfect size! She was going downstairs and on her way she heard her dad yell out "Krystal, come down into the dining room, we have something to tell you." So she went there.
When she got where she was going she saw her mom and dad sitting in the dining room. "Sweetie we have something to tell you" said her mom. "So sit down and eat some breakfast while we tell you." Krystal sighed cause it was so unfair, this was already the worst summer ever and now her parents were actually making her eat! But then she felt hungry and she remembered she hadn't eaten anything since the tall blended mocha caramel macchiato hazelnut cinnamon latte from Starbucks she had two days ago, so she sat down and ate three whole bites of toast.
"Honey remember how I told you we would get you a special present this year?" Said her dad. "Well here it is. I have been working on it for the past few days so I'm sorry. But I was having our cleaning company go in and fix up our beach front house for you. So you and your two friends can go to the beach house all by yourselves and do whatever you want for two weeks. How does that sound?"
"OH.MY.GOD! THANK YOU MOMMY AND DADDY YOU'RE AWESOME!" Krystal yelled. She was totally psyched now! She jumped up and ran out of the room to go pack. She pulled out her Prada suitcase and filled it with all her Bebe and Ralph Lauren and all her other designer clothes and her Sephora makeup. Then she called her best friends and told them what was going on so they could get ready. They were both really psyched too.
One of her best friends was Julianna Lynnelanna Westmooreton. She was kinda tall at five-eight and had long thick chestnut brown hair that fell to just under her shoulder blades and sexy brown eyes. She had a really nice figure too, but she was a size one in jeans, but it totally wasn't a problem because of her height. And her other best friend was Candace Destinystar Grandworth. She was five-six so she was kinda short, but she was also a size zero like Krystal and she had thick, shiny red hair that curled just under her shoulders. She had sparkling green eyes and a good figure but she was also naturally really pale so she had to tan the most out of all of them.
So they all got picked up in Krystal's dad's limo and they went out to the beach house. It was totally beautiful and there were a ton of rooms and a huge pool and bar out back. As soon as the limo driver dude went away the girls all drove Krystal's Lambo into town and used their fake IDs to buy tons of alcohol to put in the bar! Then they went to the beach.
At the beach they spent all day looking hot and flirting with all the sexy boys that walked past them. And they also watched all the people zooming around the ocean in their really cool speedboats and wished they could do that too.
Then suddenly, "Hey!" said a boy. Krystal turned to look at him. He was tall and had beautiful tanned skin and a really buff chest and arms, and even a six-pack. His hair was dark brown and spiked up with a lot of gel, and he had ice-blue eyes. "Hey, said Krystal." They talked for a while. She found out his name was Justin and he was on vacation here too with some of his friends. He was also really loaded and he had ten billion dollars. She asked if he had a cool speedboat too. "Yeah, but I can't drive it right now cause it needs a new propeller," he said. "I have to go pick up a new pimped-out one tomorrow. Maybe you could come with me and afterwards we could hang out on the boat." "That sounds awesome!" Krystal said. I'm so excited!" And right after that Julianna and Candace found guys too and planned to spend the day with them.
So the next morning Justin picked her up in his Ferrari and they went to the propeller store. They went in and the girl at the counter brought out a big box. Justin opened it and Krystal saw a shiny, golden propeller. "Oh wow! A solid gold propeller! You are sooooo sexy!" she said and she hugged Justin. "Um no miss, that's bronze," said the counter girl. Krystal's jaw dropped. "Why isn't it GOLD, Justin? It's NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" "Ok, calm down babe," said Justin. "I'll buy a solid gold one for you because you're so beautiful." Krystal smiled. "Um sir I can order you a solid gold one if you really want but it will take about a week to get here." Justin started doing all this boring paperwork stuff so Krystal went outside and listened to her Ipod.
While she was out there a guy was walking past. He was about five-eight and was kinda tan, but not as much as Justin. He had a really hot face and nice light brown hair bleached at the tips, but he wasn't that buff and he definitely didn't have good pecs. He went over and introduced himself as Jason and said he wAS ON VACATION TOo. He was kinda rich cause he had five billion dollars. He asked what she was doing later and she said she was hanging out with her boyfriend. Then he invited them to his party on Saturday and she said they might be there.
So then she and Justin went driving around in his Ferrari and afterwards they went back to his beach front house and got totally drunk. Then they did it in his Ferrari and it was really sexy. Justin said it was the best sex ever.
The next few days Krystal spent time hanging out with Justin, Candace and Julianna and their new boyfriends. They all had an awesome time at the beach and they went drinking every night. Then it was Saturday and they all decided to go to Jason's party. But then Justin suddenly couldn't go cause he had to go pick up the new propeller! Krystal was kinda sad but her friends promised they would all have a great time. So she went and she started dancing with Jason. He was an awesome dancer and they were both drunk and having a good time so they went upstairs to his bedroom and they did it. Krystal felt kinda bad about it especially because he wasn't as good as Justin but he was just so nice she really didn't want to be rude and say no.
So the next week was kinda hard for Krystal and she was bummed about that because she wanted to have an awesome vacation. Justin got his propeller and they had an awesome time going really fast around the lake with his new blingin' solid gold propeller. But she didn't know whether she wanted Justin or Jason more. Justin was really fucking gorgeous and had ten billion dollars but he had almost bought a BRONZE propeller instead of a gold one, but Jason was kinda hot and only had five billion dollars but was super nice. Krystal knew this would be the biggest decision of her life. So she went and got her nails done while she decided. Then when her nails were dry she texted Julianna and Candace on her pink cellphone studded with diamonds to tell them who she chose.
That night was their last night at the beach house and they were also throwing the biggest bash of the summer. All the coolest and sexiest people in town were there and everybody was drinking, dancing and having a fantastic time. But she knew it was time to make her decision. She went out to the middle of the dance floor and had the DJ stop the music. "Attention everyone, I have an announcement to make," she said. "I choose... JUSTIN!" Justin came forward and they kissed with lots of tongue and it looked really beautiful and sexy. Krystal just knew in her heart that he was different from all the others and they would get married and have lots of babies and be happy forever. So it was totally the most awesome summer ever.
THE END!
Friday, September 5, 2008
kung fu
He walked into the graveyard. And put the rose down next to the big stone grave. “She walks like a black rose black rose in my heart.” He said. As he started to leave some cultists tried to attack! But he knew karate. “Hi-ya!” He kicked them hard in their faces and they all fell over. “Don't mess with me.” His dog smiled and said woof. The two of them walked back home together.
When he got home his house was on fire and his house was on fire! “Oh no!” He ran in to save his dog and he did but his house burned down anyway. He sighed. The next day he woke up and looked around. “Beep beep beep” said his alarm clock. “Beep beep!” He kicked it hard in its face. “Hi-ya!” It stopped beeping. He walked downstairs. “Thanks for letting me sleep here.” “You're welcome.” He left.
He went to his cousins apartment, she was an architect. “Sarah, I ran away from my mom my girlfriend got pregnant. I need to stay here.” “Okay. Let's go get sushi.”
We went to the sushi place and I went to the bathroom. “Steve!?” She said! The guy in front of her turned around. “Blayne?!” She frowned, “No.” She sad. “Brittney?!” “OH MY GOD!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REMEMBER ME!! I LOVE YOU!” He came out of the bathroom then and looked at the two people talking to each other.
“Okay, my cousin is back, talk to you later.” She said.
“Bye.” He said.
They went back home. And some cultists attacked him! “Beep beep!” They yelled. “Hi-ya!” He spun around twenty times, kicked them in the faces really hard, then spun again. He went so fast, time went backwards, so he could hit them again. “Ay-ih!” Then they went inside.
“I got a job at a book store!” He said.
“That's good!” She said.
Suddenly, someone knocked on the door.
“Steve!?”
Steve got on his knee and looked at Blayne. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” She said.
“I'm so happy!” He said.
They kissed over and over and over. He gave her a ring.
This ring was lovingly hand-crafted out of 20 karat gold by our artisans in France. It has a beautiful luster and sheen that can only be accomplished through our patented centuries-old technique, handed down through the generations. Set in the center is a 10 carat diamond with excellent clarity and impeccable flawlessness, symbolizing your eternal love. Surrounding the central diamond are six rubies, each representing a different facet of passion. For a minor extra fee, you can have your lovers name inscribed on the inside of the band to truly show the lucky lady in your life how much you care.
“Cool ring.” He said. “I need to go find out who killed my wife.”
He kicked the doorknob hard and it turned and opened. “Creeeeam.” He left. Later that night, Brittney and Steve totally did it. God killed Brittney four years later because he thinks premarital sex sucks, but Steve's okay because he's a dude and God likes men more, which is why ladies bleed from their naughty bits all the time and spread their legs for any passing guy, my dad says.
Blam, blam! He kept firing the gun at the cultists! They all took out Ginsu knives from their cloaks and started coming at him, but before they could reach him he shot them hard in the faces. But they wouldn't stop! They were zombies! Oh no! So he shot them in the faces again and they died. “Fuck you.”
Finally, he reached their temple and walked inside, shooting everyone in his way. Blam! The leader of the cult was inside. “I killed your wife!”
“She was pregnant!” He said.
“With my child!” The cult guy said.
“Nooooo!” He said. He shot a tank of TNT and the entire temple exploded.
“I can't believe she was pregnant.” He said to Brittany.
“It's okay, Steve and I just made babies last night and you can have mine.” She said
“Oh, good.”
Four years later U.S.S. Brittania was in the hospital with Steve by her side.
“Push!” Steve said.
“The first one's mine!” He said. “She promised!”
“Arrrgh!” She said.
“It's okay, honey.” Steve said.
“Arrgggggh.” She said. Then she died of an aneurysm or stroke or whatever God thought was good.
“Nooooo!” Steve said!
He grabbed the firstborn and took it home with him while Steve bitched and whined about his dead girlfriend and took the shittier second one.
He named his new child Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood after his grandfather. From Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood's first birthday, he started teaching him karate and tae kwon do and kung fu.
“Hi-ya!”
“Hi-ya!”
They both kicked the air, the breeze moving the trees nearby.
“Good job, son!”
Suddenly, some cultists attacked! But Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood kicked them all in the faces and their heads exploded violently, blood going everywhere, covering Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood completely.
“Dad, am I adopted?” Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood asked.
“Sit down.” He said, patting the ground next to him.
DRBBDB sat down and looked at his father.
“Yes, you are my son. I had sex with your mother and you came out of her canal.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Let's go pick strawberries!”
Both of them went out into the field with their baskets and began looking for the juiciest, ripest strawberries, carefully walking over the chunks of cultist head. In the strawberries, DRDDB saw a black rose. “Dad, what's this?”
“Nooooooooooooooooo! That is a black rose black rose in my heart!”
“What?” DnB said.
“Noooooooooooooooo!” He said. “Cultists!”
They both got into their van and started listening to “Blind Mary” by Gnarls Barkley.
“This is a nice song.”
“I think it's kind of annoying and repeats itself a lot. I hate it when people when people repeat themselves!”
“Me too.”
“Hi-ya!”
“Hi-ya!”
Suddenly twenty cultists jumped in front of their car! He hit the button on the car to make laser guns come out of the headlights. Pkew, pkew! Lasers shredded the cultists into pulp. As they drove away, the cultsts exploded in a huge blaze of fire.
“That was for Brittani!” Who?
“My sister. Your mother.”
“What?! Dad, that's gross.”
“It was the only way, Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood! My wife had been killed. I needed a child! Little did she know it wasn't Steve that night, it was me! And Steve was left with your crappy twin who sucks and stuff.”
Boom! Their tire exploded and the car rolled twenty times down the road. He and DDR used their karate to stop the car and get out.
“What was that!?”
A man stood in front of them. Riding a unicorn! “Now it's your turn!”
“Who are you?” He said.
“I am your son! The one you abandoned! Steve Demon Hell Dragon Satan Jr.!”
The unicorn said “neeeeigh” and kicked him in the head.
“Arrrrgh” he said!
Dark Raven Blood Sex Magick was like, “Dad! And then said we have to fight now!”
The darkie then started charging at is brother Dragon Steve on his own unicorn and the unicorns started fighting each other while the two guys started fighting each other on top of them using their magical swords that they got from the bottom of the ocean. Clang, clang! One of them swung across at the other one but the other one moved back and dodged it and then he swung back but he swung from above because he thought he couldn't dodge it but instead he held up his sword to stop it. Clang! The unicorns locked horns and all of a sudden both of them grew wings and started fighting while flying! And the guys grew wings too! Because Brittini was actually an angel sent here by god in order to have some kids who would one day fight each other in the ultimate fight for all of the universe between good and evil. Clang!
THINK OF SOMETHING TO PUT HERE
He placed his hat upon his head and smiled and walked into the sunset. “Black rose in my heart indeed.” Finally, he would be abl able to do it.
When he got home his house was on fire and his house was on fire! “Oh no!” He ran in to save his dog and he did but his house burned down anyway. He sighed. The next day he woke up and looked around. “Beep beep beep” said his alarm clock. “Beep beep!” He kicked it hard in its face. “Hi-ya!” It stopped beeping. He walked downstairs. “Thanks for letting me sleep here.” “You're welcome.” He left.
He went to his cousins apartment, she was an architect. “Sarah, I ran away from my mom my girlfriend got pregnant. I need to stay here.” “Okay. Let's go get sushi.”
We went to the sushi place and I went to the bathroom. “Steve!?” She said! The guy in front of her turned around. “Blayne?!” She frowned, “No.” She sad. “Brittney?!” “OH MY GOD!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REMEMBER ME!! I LOVE YOU!” He came out of the bathroom then and looked at the two people talking to each other.
“Okay, my cousin is back, talk to you later.” She said.
“Bye.” He said.
They went back home. And some cultists attacked him! “Beep beep!” They yelled. “Hi-ya!” He spun around twenty times, kicked them in the faces really hard, then spun again. He went so fast, time went backwards, so he could hit them again. “Ay-ih!” Then they went inside.
“I got a job at a book store!” He said.
“That's good!” She said.
Suddenly, someone knocked on the door.
“Steve!?”
Steve got on his knee and looked at Blayne. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” She said.
“I'm so happy!” He said.
They kissed over and over and over. He gave her a ring.
This ring was lovingly hand-crafted out of 20 karat gold by our artisans in France. It has a beautiful luster and sheen that can only be accomplished through our patented centuries-old technique, handed down through the generations. Set in the center is a 10 carat diamond with excellent clarity and impeccable flawlessness, symbolizing your eternal love. Surrounding the central diamond are six rubies, each representing a different facet of passion. For a minor extra fee, you can have your lovers name inscribed on the inside of the band to truly show the lucky lady in your life how much you care.
“Cool ring.” He said. “I need to go find out who killed my wife.”
He kicked the doorknob hard and it turned and opened. “Creeeeam.” He left. Later that night, Brittney and Steve totally did it. God killed Brittney four years later because he thinks premarital sex sucks, but Steve's okay because he's a dude and God likes men more, which is why ladies bleed from their naughty bits all the time and spread their legs for any passing guy, my dad says.
Blam, blam! He kept firing the gun at the cultists! They all took out Ginsu knives from their cloaks and started coming at him, but before they could reach him he shot them hard in the faces. But they wouldn't stop! They were zombies! Oh no! So he shot them in the faces again and they died. “Fuck you.”
Finally, he reached their temple and walked inside, shooting everyone in his way. Blam! The leader of the cult was inside. “I killed your wife!”
“She was pregnant!” He said.
“With my child!” The cult guy said.
“Nooooo!” He said. He shot a tank of TNT and the entire temple exploded.
“I can't believe she was pregnant.” He said to Brittany.
“It's okay, Steve and I just made babies last night and you can have mine.” She said
“Oh, good.”
Four years later U.S.S. Brittania was in the hospital with Steve by her side.
“Push!” Steve said.
“The first one's mine!” He said. “She promised!”
“Arrrgh!” She said.
“It's okay, honey.” Steve said.
“Arrgggggh.” She said. Then she died of an aneurysm or stroke or whatever God thought was good.
“Nooooo!” Steve said!
He grabbed the firstborn and took it home with him while Steve bitched and whined about his dead girlfriend and took the shittier second one.
He named his new child Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood after his grandfather. From Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood's first birthday, he started teaching him karate and tae kwon do and kung fu.
“Hi-ya!”
“Hi-ya!”
They both kicked the air, the breeze moving the trees nearby.
“Good job, son!”
Suddenly, some cultists attacked! But Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood kicked them all in the faces and their heads exploded violently, blood going everywhere, covering Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood completely.
“Dad, am I adopted?” Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood asked.
“Sit down.” He said, patting the ground next to him.
DRBBDB sat down and looked at his father.
“Yes, you are my son. I had sex with your mother and you came out of her canal.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Let's go pick strawberries!”
Both of them went out into the field with their baskets and began looking for the juiciest, ripest strawberries, carefully walking over the chunks of cultist head. In the strawberries, DRDDB saw a black rose. “Dad, what's this?”
“Nooooooooooooooooo! That is a black rose black rose in my heart!”
“What?” DnB said.
“Noooooooooooooooo!” He said. “Cultists!”
They both got into their van and started listening to “Blind Mary” by Gnarls Barkley.
“This is a nice song.”
“I think it's kind of annoying and repeats itself a lot. I hate it when people when people repeat themselves!”
“Me too.”
“Hi-ya!”
“Hi-ya!”
Suddenly twenty cultists jumped in front of their car! He hit the button on the car to make laser guns come out of the headlights. Pkew, pkew! Lasers shredded the cultists into pulp. As they drove away, the cultsts exploded in a huge blaze of fire.
“That was for Brittani!” Who?
“My sister. Your mother.”
“What?! Dad, that's gross.”
“It was the only way, Dark Raven Damien Devil Blood! My wife had been killed. I needed a child! Little did she know it wasn't Steve that night, it was me! And Steve was left with your crappy twin who sucks and stuff.”
Boom! Their tire exploded and the car rolled twenty times down the road. He and DDR used their karate to stop the car and get out.
“What was that!?”
A man stood in front of them. Riding a unicorn! “Now it's your turn!”
“Who are you?” He said.
“I am your son! The one you abandoned! Steve Demon Hell Dragon Satan Jr.!”
The unicorn said “neeeeigh” and kicked him in the head.
“Arrrrgh” he said!
Dark Raven Blood Sex Magick was like, “Dad! And then said we have to fight now!”
The darkie then started charging at is brother Dragon Steve on his own unicorn and the unicorns started fighting each other while the two guys started fighting each other on top of them using their magical swords that they got from the bottom of the ocean. Clang, clang! One of them swung across at the other one but the other one moved back and dodged it and then he swung back but he swung from above because he thought he couldn't dodge it but instead he held up his sword to stop it. Clang! The unicorns locked horns and all of a sudden both of them grew wings and started fighting while flying! And the guys grew wings too! Because Brittini was actually an angel sent here by god in order to have some kids who would one day fight each other in the ultimate fight for all of the universe between good and evil. Clang!
THINK OF SOMETHING TO PUT HERE
He placed his hat upon his head and smiled and walked into the sunset. “Black rose in my heart indeed.” Finally, he would be abl able to do it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)