“I’m not suggesting that they remove it, but don’t you find it a bit sadistic to have a police blotter in the newspaper?” She inquired, looking up at her friend over the top of “The Daily Grind.” Her friend just stared at her in disbelief.
“Are you kidding me? If those jackasses are stupid enough to break the law, and get caught, then they damn well better be exposed to the public. It’s common sense. We, as the public, deserve to learn all about these idiots. Besides, I always look in them expecting to see someone I recognize from high school.” He snagged the paper from her hand and flipped to the blotter.
“Now, see, I think that setup is odd. Having it next to the obits is just weird.” He said while scanning the ages in the obituaries.
“It’s the most viewed page in the entire newspaper, which is pretty morbid.” She stated, resting her head upon her hand.
“Again, how else would you find out about someone you were acquainted with if you didn’t look? Ahh, high numbers this time around. That’s good to see.” He shifted his attention to the police blotter. “Aha, get this: ‘Fourteen year old female caught shoplifting at local Macy’s, charges pending.’ Wow, it seems like there it one of these every time… Is it really too much for them to ask Mommy and Daddy for a couple of bucks so they can by their shitty Hanna Montana posters or whatever the hell it is fourteen year olds are into these days?” Bitterness and annoyance dripped from his voice.
“Eh, trial and error, my friend. I wish I had done more bullshit when I was younger. No jail time for a minor, yeah?” A wry smile graced her features. “Imagine killing a that bully who pushed you too far when you were twelve, or that teacher who gave you a failing grade on a report you worked your ass off to do. Scott free! It would be amazing!”
“No, it would really depend on the crime. There’s still Juvee, you know.” He looked back down at the paper, ignoring his companion’s hefty sigh. A crack whore here, a piece of trailer trash there, the usual crime that brought a chuckle to the lips was what consisted of today’s column. He was about to turn the page when a name caught his eye. He flipped the paper around so it rested in front of his friend, and pointed to the name. She raised an eyebrow and leaned forward to take a closer look.
“Hey… We went to high school with her…” She shook her head. “DUI, operating without a license, resisting arrest, assault on an officer, damn, who would have thought?”
“She seemed pretty nice. I mean, I had a couple of classes with her senior year. She was kind of quiet.” He stood and walked over to the fridge, pulling out a large jug of iced tea. “Sometimes people just snap.”
“I guess so. Hey, I’m just glad it wasn’t you or me.” She said with a shrug. “Oh, and pour me a glass of that, would ya?”
“You got it.”
2 comments:
It's not a sad story, but I teared up reading this.
Overall, it's one of the best things you've ever written. You've always been good with characters, but it's amazing that you captured our dynamic so well. Every thing our literary counterparts said is something that I can imagine us saying. Every action is exactly where it should be. I'm floored by this, and not because it's obviously an exchange between us.
It's things like this that make me know you're gonna make it as a writer.
On the downside, I have a comma thing:
With contractions, you only use a comma if it's separating two indep. clauses:
She is nice, and he is nice.
She is nice and she is sweet.
Two subjects = comma
One subject = no comma
;)
Wow, this was one of those stories that starts off mellow and lures you in, then just takes off. I'm a big fan of slice-of-life stories, and I loved just being plunked down in the kitchen with these two characters. And I honestly didn't know until I read Travis's comment that the characters were based on you and him. They felt completely unique and fleshed-out (well, as fleshed out as they can get in a short piece like this).
My favorite aspect of this story, though, was your wonderful control over the pacing. The action never felt rushed, nor did it ever drag. The buildup felt so natural, and I absolutely loved how you spun out the tension while the male character went to get the iced tea right before the climactic moment. Then the tension broke at just the right time, and there was nothing forced about it.
Honestly, my biggest critique is nitpicky grammatical stuff. Like in the first sentence, you didn't need to capitalize "she," since you weren't starting a new sentence. Not a big deal, but it did make me stumble a couple of times while I was reading. Oh, and here at the comment screen, your entire post mushed itself into one big paragraph, but that's probably just a wonky online formatting problem.
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