Promt 3 - PReqUAL

For the promt "write the best story you could ever imagine" I just wrote normally ^_^

It all started when he was a young child in elementary school and all the kids at recess would be like “he's ugly” because he didn't have any hair because his father burned it all off with a bomb. Because nobody ever wanted to talk to him this meant he trained in his dojo every day so that he could know kung fu the best. He knew his kung fu would make him so many friends and they wouldn't care that he was bald because a lot of people who did kung fu were bald. At his dojo nobody would make fun of him for being bald because he knew the legendary Hell Explosion Palm Fist that could kill anybody in one hit.

“I bet you don't really know the Hellsplosion Fist Palm technique” the kid said!

“Hi-ya!” He said, and he burst into flames and died. After that, everyone knew he was the best in the dojo. A girl even talked to him!

“Hey.”

“Hi.” He said.

“How're you?” She said

“Good” He said.

“You're really strong.” She said.

“I like you” She said

He blushed a lot and wanted to ran out of the dojo because he was so shy. A cultist stopped him!

“You are the chosen one” He said.

“What?” He said?

“You will lead our cult!” He said.

“Oh no!” He said!

The next day he gave his girlfriend a kiss on the cheek “I really like being with you.” He said. “ARGH!” Someone stabbed him in the back! “Are you okay?” “ARGH” He focused all of his kung fu energy and the knife shot out and killed the guy who stabbed him. “I KNOW KUNG FU!” The guy who stabbed him tried to attack again and ran up to him and he went “HI-YA!” and punched through his head and killed him. “You're so sexy.” They made out.

“Sir, your tea is ready.” Jeeves said.

“Thank you.” He said. He took his tea and looked over his multitrillion dollar company. “I have so much money!”

He smiled and ate a $1500 bill. “Money is so good! Fuck poor people.”

With all of his money he bought a dinosaur skeleton and had it assembled inside of his really big house, but his house was actually built on an Indian burial site and Shiva reanimated the bones of the dinosaur and the boneasaur started breaking all of his stuff. “Sure thing, captain!”

“Oh no!” He said.

His dojo teacher told him only to use his kung fu when he absolutely needed to but just then his wife walked in and he wanted to impress her so he kicked it really hard. “Hi-ya!” It turned into dust.

“I am vely angly you disobey kung fu path of lighteousness. You no ronger my pupir!” Dojo teacher said! Dojo teacher stared at him with his squinty eyes.

“I don't need you, I know kung fu!”

“Ching chong wang chung!”

“You too, dojo teacher. You too.”

When the cleaning people got there he spat up the $1500 bill and threw it at their feet and said, “Clean up.” He said. They cleaned up. Later on the two of them went to bed and they totally had sex. He thought it was really good and she thought it was pretty okay 'cause he slipped twice but she went along with it. “KARATEEEEE!”

Later on, a gorilla with three mouths attacked! It had some hot girl in its arms and it sounded reeeeally angry! “WOWY! BEAWD!” The mouths said. She lady said “My name Chun Ri herp me!” “KUNG FU” He said and used a karate chop on his faces and it could no longer finish its novel which it had been writing for like forever and was going to totally get published because he put so much work into it. It also dropped the chick. “Thank you so much! Prease ret me show you how much I rove you for herping me!” “Skank! Hi-yaaaaaaa!” He said and used a karate chop on her face and she could no longer finish her novel which she had been writing for like forever and probably wasn't going to get published because even though she put so much work into it, she wasn't really talented.

In the board meeting he said, “We're making a ten percent profit up from last year,” but got interrupted by a cultist who said that they had bought all the stock to the company and that they owned the company now and that they had all of the money and he didn't have any of it.

“Not even kung-fu can help me now! Why didn't I listen to dojo teacher!”

Jeeves cried a little as he left but he kicked him in the ribs because crying is only for little girls who still wet themselves and whose parents don't love them anymore after that one time where he went to the mall and I accidentally peed myself in front of the magazine rack and everybody looked at him funny. “Pussy.”

Him and his girlfriend were walking through the park when suddenly a guy walked up to them and looked at him and then handed him a black rose. “This is a black rose.”